FIL is home

Thanks to everyone who kept him in their prayers.

He is happily in his new hospital style bed (one of the electric types... Really cool, but cost us an arm and a leg)

His lungs are pretty clear, and his BP and pulse are better. Not by a great deal, but better. Again, thanks to everyone for their prayers.


What is going on with me?

Well, today - the first day in TWO WEEKS that I haven't had to go anywhere, I didn't put a bra on till 11.35am. Bliss.

I am feeling pretty damm shitty though. You might remember how I did an interview for a magazine. Well, they said that their photo editor, and photographer would be in touch this week, and that they would send out the paper work I had to sign, and that I would get a call back, and have the article read to me for approval.

It's Saturday. And nothing. I feel pretty pissed off. I told FIL about the interview, thinking it would cheer him up. It did, but he told EVERYONE in the family. I know, he is proud of me, and that is why he went blabbing. And I guess I didn't say not to tell anyone. But now I feel like a liar.

Maybe the phone calls and paperwork are just a wee bit late. I don't know. But I have this feeling that because I *was* boasting about it, it's not happening. You know, the whole "Pride goeth before a fall" type thing? I can't help but think that they have canned the idea, and are not doing the story now.

Last Saturday, I went for a run, and toward the end of the run my left knee started to hurt. Not badly at first, and I continued my run. By the end of the run (I cut it short because of the pain), I was in agony. I have developed "runners knee".

Fun.

So my first stop is some groovy orthotics, but if they do not resolve the issue, off the the podiatrist. But in the meantime, in the last 2 weeks, I have run less than 30km. That is really starting to get me down. If I cannot get back to my full training schedule within the next couple of weeks or so, I am out of the 10k I wanted to run in September. I guess I still have that 10k in December...

And on top of all of this. I lost my engagement ring. I cried till my eyes were swollen. This year is our 10th year. In less than a month (18 days to be exact) is the date of our engagement (engaged 18th August, married 13th December) I made a claim with my insurance company, but all the money in the world is not going to bring the ring that DH got down on bended knee and proposed to me with.

I am shattered.

Maybe I deserve all this for being a boastful asshole. I don't know. I really don't.

Oh yeah. We had DS's cat, Fluffy, de-sexed yesterday. She is now roaming the house meowing. Poor little thing.

It never rains, just pours, right?

I don't know how I did it

But I got through the interview for "Take 5" magazine (one of those true life story magazines)

I told the journo the story of my banding, weight loss, tummy tuck, and how all of that has changed my life.

And all on less than 2 hours sleep! I couldn't sleep last night. Thinking about FIL, and how we might lose him any time now... His kids, the fact that they are yet to go in to see him... My life, my mortality.

That shit will do your head in at 3am. Seriously. I am surprised that I made any sense at all this morning.

*sigh*

The only two things in life that are certain, are taxes & death.

Well, it is almost tax time. And I think my father in law (FIL) is about to die.

My FIL and I have not always seen eye-to-eye. Actually, some could be forgiven for thinking we hated each other. But there has always been an undercurrent of respect within those arguments, or "heated debates" as we call them. A love, if you will.

He has been in hospital since last Saturday.

I went in to take my mother in law (MIL) shopping early in the morning. When she opened the door that morning, it was clear to me that something was wrong. She looked pale, drawn. She had been crying. She quickly told me about what had been going on. My 93 year old FIL had been in pain all night. His hip was stiff, and so sore it hurt to get out of bed. He had been throwing up what looked like phlegm.

I urged MIL to call for an ambulance. She insisted on calling a doctor to come out to the house. So we called for the doctor, who over 8 hours later turned up, looked at him and said take some pain killers and if you are still in pain on Monday or Tuesday, go to your GP.

Humm. I had a quite chat with the doctor, and asked her to take his pulse, blood pressure, and have a quick listen to his chest before she made any diagnosis.

When she did, she discovered his heart was racing at over 100 beats per minute, and his blood pressure was dangerously low at 98 over 75.

She called for an ambulance.

DS and I sat with FIL while he was being admitted, and MIL did all the paper work at the reception desk. She could have done it in the ER with me I later found out. I think she wanted to stay as far away from the doctor as she could. I got all the bad news. His x-rays showed that at some point in his life (we think while he served in WWII) he had TB, and now he has double phunmoina (sp?). For a 93 year old, this is life threatening stuff.

So anyway, he was admitted, just as we got him set up in his room, DH arrived, having just finished work, and a meeting that could not be canceled. MIL, DS, DH and I got back to her place by 1am, and DS, DH and I got home by 1.30am (we had been out since about 9am)

DH had been at work all day having kittens. He was so stressed out over this whole thing, he could barely think straight. He kept thanking me over, and over for being there for his Mum and Dad. It's my job as his wife to be there when he cannot. I did - what to my mind anyway - was expected of me.

So Sunday rolls around (hang on! It already had!!) and we get MIL to the hospital at 10 am -ish to visit FIL. We spend the day in the room with FIL being fed his IV antibiotics and fluids while he dozes on and off. The doctors were still at a loss as to why his heart is racing, and BP is low. It's almost like they threw their hands up and said "We don't know!!"

Monday. Much the same as Sunday. Only today, DS gets to go to school. So I am doing school runs along with hospital runs.

Tuesday, much the same as the days before... And no real change to FIL's condition. Weak, in pain, BP low, pulse high.

Wednesday. He is feeling better! His pulse is slightly lower at 95, BP is up a wee bit, so they decide to move him.

Big mistake.

He starts vomiting phlegm again. Any strength he regained, he has lost, and here we are, Thursday, and we are back to square one. Puking, racing pulse, and low BP. And still no clue's as to why.

I am praying.

I pray that if he is to recover, that it happens some time soon. I am also praying, that if he is NOT going to recover, that it happen soon. And peacefully. He deserves that. Honestly.

So if you pray. Please say a prayer. Join me in praying that God's plan for FIL be for filled, and praying that DH, MIL and I all have the strength to deal with whatever is next for us.

Ahh! The life and times of a Drama Queen

So today I asked to be deleted at a board I have been posting at for close to 3 years.

Why would I do that you ask? Well, at the time, not a great deal of thought went into the decision, but after the fact, while walking to get DS, I came to the conclusion that it really is for the best.

Ok, so what happened!?! I hear you asking.

Basically some troll invaded the board, and to be honest, I still not 100% on what really happened, but long story short, I was accused of being the troll. So I said "Fuck You" to the chick who accused me, and asked to be deleted (oh, her lame excuse for pointing to me as the troll is "she doesn't know me"LMAO)

I am happy with my decision. I haven't posted a lot of late because it really isn't the same place anymore. People I liked have moved on (The Aussies for a start) and, really, I have very, very little in common with women who have newborns and toddlers. My "baby" is 10! We are talking mobile phones and high school. Not nappies, bottles and breastfeeding.

I am at a very different stage in my life to those ladies. There is a lady who I talk to off the board, and I will continue that friendship. She is a super online friend. If only I had the time to take off to Canada!

But yeah. Anyway. I am happy with it. I have so little time for fun online as it is, and lets just face it. It wasn't fun anymore. And when things like that stop being fun.... There is only one thing to do!

26 months post op lap band, 10 months post op Abdominopasty

Time flies huh?

Mothers Day 2007 is a day I will remember with such pride for the rest of my life. I ran a 4.5km race in 28.35 minutes, placing 420th out of 1300 odd runners. My husband and son were both at the finish line beaming, tears in my husbands eyes - They were that proud of me.

Mothers Day 3 years ago I would have never dreamed that I would haul my ass out of bed at 5.45am to be in the city by 7.15am, for a run that started at 7.45am.

I was at my highest weight three years ago. I have no idea how heavy I was, really. My scales only went to 145kg. I was well over that. So how far I really came to get to that run on the 13th? I don't know. I do know that I worked harder than I ever have in my whole life to get there. And I am proud of myself.

Oddly enough, I feel shame in my pride.

Logically there is no good reason, but I feel like I should have never gotten as big as I did to start with, so why should I be proud of losing weight, and being normal? Where is the achievement in being normal. Being like everyone else?

On the other hand, I am proud of my run, and my running in general. I am doing something that "normal" people don't / can't / won't do. That is something I am proud of.

Sam.
26 months post op
Highest weight ever 145kg / 319lbs or more
Weight now 49.5kg / 108lbs
Running a daily 5km in 31 minutes.