Three you say?

Well, it had to happen. The third piece of bad luck.

Today at school, my DS was kicked in the face by a little bastard on the jungle gym, chipping the lenses, and bending the frames of his glasses.

I am pissed beyond words. I marched DS and said glasses up to the school office to complain where I made little to no sense. Thankfully the lady at the desk got what I was saying, understood that the kid who kicked DS is a little bastard (he is well known for being an assclown) and promised to pass this on to the headmaster.

DS and I went straight to the optometrist, and they said they should be able to fix them. Thankfully. I usually buy DS new glasses at the start of the year anyway (my health insurance pays for the lenses and a good chunk of the frames if I wait till the start of the calendar year) so I would only be moving it up a few months, but I would have to cover 100% of the cost.

But the cost not the only point. If I were to kick someone in the face, on say a ladder, breaking their glasses, it would be assault - right? Why is this different for kids? I don't' get it.

Bugger, damm, hell.

Do you think I can find the software for my camera? Do you think I can find said software anywhere online?

No.

I am going to need it for my new Mac next week, and for this POS desktop too.

Waves of shit come in three's

Wave #1 My beloved kitty Bob. I had not seen him all day yesterday, and when DH found him, he was so still, he thought Bob was dead. Not far off as it turns out. He had Tick Paralysis and had to be put to sleep. It was too late for my Bobby Boy.

Wave #2 My laptop died. I am so sick of dammed computers, I could scream. I had all of my newer pics on the c drive. Lucky I tend to put most pics on the D drive after a while to free up the C drive. So I haven't lost everything. Just most of the new stuff. Damm. Fuck. Hell. Crap. MOTHERFUCKER!!

What's next? Will my teeth fall out? My dog get run over? I am so ready for this day to be over. Dammit.

Childless? Me??

Only till Friday afternoon.

DS is off at his first school camp. He left Tuesday morning, and returns Friday at 3pm.

I am feeling kinda lost. I am sure he is having the time of his life, lol.


So what *exactly* am I doing with myself while childless? Hummm...... DH and I have been roaming around butt nekkid a lot, and tonight we are off the the Royal on the Park, in Brisbane for the night (we are in the swanky Executive Suite , I will take pics, lol {NO! Not dirty ones... Well, maybe, but they will not be put up here, LMAO})

So I will be off in 10 minutes or so to pick my beloved up, and we will be off for our dirty night out!!

So. It's been a while...

I haven't been online very much of late, sorry about that guys.

I do have some new pics.

A progression;

Laughing so hard...

My husband needs to shut the fuck up.


We are watching Tyra (yeah,I know...) and this chick who has had 35 sexual partners is on.

He keeps whispering "Drippy cooter" in my ear... I am cracking up, and it hurts...

He is soo PC. He wants to buy a new kitten and call it Jon Bennet'.... I live in a nut house.


Small things amuse small minds.

Tummy Tuck Pics!

Ladies and gents!

I present to you, My Ass.

Those who don't believe that I have lost weight, can kiss it!

Remember my post the other day?

The one about being a "hero"

Well. I got the other side of that coin today. I was told by a nasty man, who claimed to have lost 80kg in 5 weeks (yeah, I laughed out loud too)that now I was - and I quote
"Ah haaa....I got it now. You are just one sad little girl who cannot accept the fact that there are other people out there who accomplished more without going thru surgery.

Your reply above show how much confused you are. My suggestion is, since you are now very slim and sexy, just log off and start having real life friends and get a life.

Referring back to the calory figure above, heck my apple, chicken and fish were genetically alter so that when all mix up in my stomach instead of absorbing to my body as fat, they evolved into a full load of shit.

That explained how I lost hugh amount of weight."

He claimed to only be eating 800 calories a day... And listed his daily menu. I added up what he was eating (per FitDay) and it was more like 1200 calories. That is why I got such a nasty reply.


The only thing that bugged me was the "losing weight without surgery bit" (this guy has not has surgery, yet, but if you can lose 80kg in 5 weeks, with magic GM foods, why would you need it?)

I don't care how the fuck people lose weight. I am proud of all my friends who lose. I am proud of them no matter HOW they lose it (provided it is a healthy loss, not an eating disorder or anything)

My way is not the right way for everyone... And I will be dammed if I have to keep repeating that! Another thing was, the "log off" bit made me feel like people who are at goal are unwelcome at that lapband site. Are they?

(I dare not spell check this post... I think it would be too much, due to the asshole's post - It would have crashed the server - I just cut and pasted it from the email notification I got, so forgive any typos I may have made, LOL)

One thing that does bug me, is why some of his english is perfect, but basic words, like huge / hugh are wrong?

The odd things in life I guess!

The Queen of sloth and piggery.

I wonder if I am giving people false hope.

I know that *I* lost my weight, all of it, just shy of 18 months out. But the vast majority take much longer (the average is 60-80% EWL at 24 months post op)

Some never get past 60% ELW. After all, the makers of the band only ever promise that you can maybe lose 60%.

I have had a lot of people say things like "You are my hero" and shit like that. Uh. No. I am no ones hero. Even mine. I am a moody bitch. A selfish moody bitch.

I did this for ME. ME DAMMIT.

Not to inspire the overweight masses. Not to help my fellow man by setting an example.

I know that sounds harsh, and bitchy. But I guess it is a wee bit overwhelming.

People ask me for advise. Me? I am was (and still am to an extent) the queen of sloth and piggery.

If I thought for a fucking second I could give up eating well and exercise, and still feel like I do (freaking awesome) I think I would.

But I know if I start eating crap again, and stop exercising, I will be the ten tone woman again. I just know it.

I like looking thin(er). I like feeling like I could take on the world. I love it.

I just don't like having everyone watch me. I see the looks that I get from the other mothers at school. I know they are either wondering how I did it, or if they know, they are judging me for how I did it (Fucking own up bitches, I am not fucking deaf, I can hear the gossip)

I am so grateful to the bitches who DON'T judge me. I love them. They know who they are.

And another thing, women who bring sick kids to school, I am talking to you here... I am trying to stay healthy. I am trying to avoid having the flu, the shits, puking. Anything sickness related, really. So would you mind keeping your sick baby at home? Maybe have the "Lazy prick" who is stitting at home, and refused to look after the sick baby, pick the other kids up? Maybe? Please?

Just a thought.

I am not trying to tell the people who have found hope in my story to fuck off or anything. I guess my point is, my results are not typical. I am not normal (never have been, why start now?) Do not be disappointed if you don't lose the amount of weight I have. But don't give up hope. Where there is a will, there is a way.

The Ring

DH brought me a 2.2 carat emerald cut ceylon sapphire & diamond ring, in a yellow gold and platanum art deco setting.

I knew there was a reason I loved this man!! He has amazing taste!! (I guess he *did* pick me, lol)

Something that I found to be really amazing was, it fit. No re sizing needed.


My surgery is now only 13 days away (not counting the day itself)

I am really looking forward to being rid of this wobbling flesh that I wear. Really.

Dear Belly,

With some regret, I must inform you that your services are no longer required.

You will be surgically removed on the 15th of August 2006. If you should require a letter of recommendation, I will be happy to supply one.

You have been a valuable member of the team and you will be missed.

Best wishes for the future,
The Body.

Hair, and waxing, and pain, oh my! Part 2

Waxing went very well. I did feel a wee bit exposed, I had my g string on, but she still got a good eye full of my vagina.

Standing in front of the mirror after the wax... My vagina looks sad. Like it's frowning. Maybe it looked like this before, but was hidden under a forrest.

I wonder what it is sad about? Poor thing. Should I get it some prozac or something?

Hair, and waxing, and pain, oh my!

I am off to the esthetician (chick who waxes twats, ass cracks, smelly pitts, legs and so on) tomorrow.

This should be interesting. I have not had a wax in quite a few years. I do hope the esthetician is not too grossed out by my sagging legs, muff, and ass.

I am only days away from my period, so this may prove to be most painful.



I have made up my mind, that when I take my "before" picture for my tummy tuck I am going to write "Goodbye cruel world" on my belly in lipstick, LMAO.

Musings of a mad woman

Am I going to be happy with my body once I have this surgery?

Or am I going to find something else to hate on? Like my saggy tits? My flabby ass? Chunky thighs?

Or am I going to be so in love with my flat tummy that I will over look my other faults?

Time will tell I guess.

Goals

Going over my blog, I found this list of goals.

#1 Being able to sit with my legs crossed DONE
#2 Walking, not waddleing DONE
#3 Being able to shop in the regular clothes department, no the Plus Size. DONE
#4 Not being looked at when I eat in public DONE
#5 Wearing a swimsuit, and taking my son swimming It's winter now, but I am planning a beach holiday this year!
#6 Feeling full when I eat. DONE
#7 Wearing a smaller cup bra (I can wish!)Went from a 28 HHH to a 8 FF DONE!
#8 Being under a size 18 again DONE
#9 Being "cured" of my diabeties DONE
#10 Being thin again DONE? I am sure to my size 28 self, a 10 is skinny, LMAO

WooHooo

23 days to go people. Only 23 sleeps to go.

When will people learn?

Reading a lap band message board, a chick was advised to count calories to see what she was taking in, and why she was not losing weight.

Another chick posts (I am paraphrasing here) "Counting calories is too much like dieting"

Ya think?

Look. I am all for the "no diet, diet" with the lapband. I do not diet as such, I just watch what I eat, and make better choices. I am setting myself up for a better lifestyle.

But, these chicks (and guys) who refuse to change their diet post banding are setting themselves up for failure. They are setting themselves up for slow, and little weight loss. They are setting themselves up for regain in the event that the band is removed.

I may not be beautiful, but I will be thin(er) for the rest of my life dammit. And if people think I am "dieting", so be it.

If it's not one thing

Its another.


Ok, 2 things to start with.


1. I am at my goal weight. 65kg.
2. I am having my abdomionoplasty on the 15th of August (27 days from now)

Ok, I may, or may not change my goal weight, depending on the outcome of the tummy tuck. If I am supah duper thrilled with my new belly, and think fuck it, I will forget about pushing the finish line back (I do that to keep the race happening).

So that weight crap remains to be seen. For the moment, at least, I am at goal weight.

So, now for the other thing.

I think I realised that I will never be beautiful. Quirky looking, sure. Interesting, yeah, I'll buy that. But losing all the weight in the world has not made me beautiful.

Fucker.

My sanity, such as it is

Today was a good day.

My sanity, such as it is, is intact.

I should point out that we are at the tail end of a 2 week school holiday. I have had J 24 hours a day, for the last 13 days. I love him to death, but the never ending "Mum, come and watch me play The Simpsons" or when we play Scrabble, him pointing out, like the little prude he is that fart, ass and poo are not nice words.

Wait till he gets a bit older.... The big guns will come out! Fuck, shit, and all the other swear words I can think of will come out.

I hate scrabble. I really do. When playing with D and J, words like beaver, mound, flaps, tuna, willy, flap, all have me in convusions of laughter. Yes, I am that juvenile. Sue me. This is the shit that keeps it interesting.

So yes. Today was a good day. I got a 90 minute walk in. Fuck me that was awesome. I felt so alive, sweaty, tingly... If only D was around for a fuck after that. That could have been the only thing that could have made it better. I ended up doing 300 odd sit ups, and 150 ish push ups.

The best part?

No "Mum, can I have a drink?" or "Mum, my legs hurt, I wanna go hooommmeee...." (this is usually said 2 minutes after we leave the house, and repeated every two minutes till we are finished, or I say fuck it, and give up)
And while I was doing the push ups, no "Mum, how long are you going to be?" No, "Mum, your belly looks like the skin of the pork roast we had last week" (while I admit this is sadly, very true, I hardly need it pointed out, mid sit up, by an annoying 9 year old) No "Muuummmm.... I'm BORED"


That said, I have missed him. Why?


























I don't know either. I think this is what being a Mum, and loving your kids is all about.

Interested in some slightly streched, used skin?

Yes?

Then I am your girl! I have (at a guess) 3 or 4 kg to spare. But the Plastic surgeon I see Thursday will let me know for sure. Yes that is right, I am going to see a PS. I am so desperate to have this useless, flopping, sagging, wobbling piece of flesh removed, I am getting a second opinion on it (he might tell me its cute! What do I know, LMAO)

This guy is charging $2000 less than my banding Doc, so I am pretty open about what he has to say. This should be interesting.

I am only 2kg from my goal of 65kg. Scary shit. Will I bump the goal back again, like I did last time? I don't think so. I am looking pretty skinny these days, and getting into a size 10, despite my flabby gut (I was doing push ups in front of the mirror the other night, and thought just how much my hanging belly looks like a vagina... How odd) So I don't know where I will be once I have vaginabelly sliced off. An 8? Fuck.

Something someone (who shall go nameless) said the other day both pissed me off, and gave me food for thought. Mrs Nameless said, "If you lose too much more, you will end up looking like your mother"

Now, for anyone else, this would not be such a bad thing. But my mother looks like a heroin addict. She is so skinny, you can see her bones through her clothes. It makes me sick to even think about it. I have quite a way to go before I am ever that thin (my mother would weigh, like 50-55kg on a good day) but far out! Am I close to looking like that? I hope to fuck not.

Just adding a counter... Never mind me...

Counters

1kg to goal, and what do I do?

Push the finish line back.


I have now revised my goal to 68kg. The twit I am.

I was sick as a dog today with a nasty flu, so I decided to fix up my Obesity Help profile. Well. I couldn't log in. So I created a new one.
http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/members/profile.php?N=B1148961153

So different pics are on there. Newer ones. I am starting to look hott!

Further down the rabbits hole.......

Happy Easter to all!

My weight continues to go down... After a day of painting, my weight is down a full kilo. How much of that is water weight? I dunno. But I will take it whatever it is! A kilo a day?

So I have another appointment with Dr Copp on the 3rd of May.. I kinda hope I will be close enough to his "ideal weight" for him to consider a tummy tuck. I am in a size 12 (US 10-12) but that could well be a 10-12 AU sizes with another few kilo's loss, and a tummy tuck. Sadly, I don't think I will ever be much smaller than a 12 in tops. The twins (my wind sock boobies) will just not allow it. I do have to buy some new bra's. I do hope that I will have lost something from the cup.. Thus avoiding going up to a H cup (I am wearing a 12 GG, but the band is lose, and the cup is a little big) H cup bra's are hard to come by.. Even in the specialty bra shop I go to.

Enough about my tits.

I need to get back into a routine. The school holidays have really fucked up my walking and running. I swear I have not shifted my ass in a meaningful way in a week. I am still losing weight, but how much more could it have been if I had exercised? Shit. Shopping, and mowing the lawn is not exercise. Say it with me... Shopping is not exercise.

Where the hell is the commitment to myself, and my health I had a month ago? Did I lose that along with the few kg I lost? Dammit!

Onward and upward... Or is that downward, and smaller?

What was that I was saying about losing the last 9 or 10 kg?


The last 4 weeks or so have been very up and down. I thought that I might lose my band to errosion. Thankfully that was not the case, but I have a complete unfil, to rest for 3.5 weeks.

I had a 1 ml fill on Thursday. I am feeling more "in control" now. I managed not to gain a frikken ounce over the weeks I was unfilled (I was up 600gms at the Dr, but got home, had a pee, and was down 700gms..). That is (to me) just as good as losing. I could eat whatever I wanted. I was scared shitless that I would gain a heap of weight. I tried to exercise, but to be honest the depression got to me. I maybe got 2 days a week of walking in. Talk about slack.

I got on my scales this morning and I was down 1kg since Thursday. So the fill must be working. Maybe I needed an unfill (and more calories) then a fill to kick start my weight loss again? Who knows.

Some days I feel like an expert on all this shit, then days like today, I feel like a novice.

Sam's back to basics boot camp for fatties.



Well. Not for all fatties. Just me. LMAO

I am going back to the basics of banding ladies and gents! Over the last few months, I have become complacent. I have not stuck to the rules 100%. And I know it.

That said, I still lost 5.1kg over 8 weeks.. But that says to me if I had been doing the right thing, it could have been more. Much more.

Exercise is still good. Great in fact. I am walking twice a day, doing yoga and belly dancing.. So that is all good.

It is just my eating that had become erratic. I am grazing. And grazing for a bandster is a huge no-no.

So back to 3 meals, and 2 to 3 snacks. I know that sounds like a lot of food, but its not. A bowl of cereal for brekky will fill me up to lunch. Lunch, is like 1/4 cup diced chicken and salad. Afternoon snack, yoghurt bread *drools* and a coffee. Dinner, my home made pizza, Caesar salad, or something like that. Honestly I think I am eating more now, by grazing.

And water. I NEED to get 2ltrs of water a day in. No excuses. 2ltrs is ony 3.5 600ml bottles of water. I can do that standing on my head. Or sitting on my ass... I just have to do it.

And you know. There is just not that much more to it. I have given myself 4 months to lose the last 10kg. I think that is reasonable. And doable. That works out to just over half a kilo a week.

If I can get the last 10kg off by July, as planned, I will be having a tummy tuck sometime in, or after September. Depending on when DH gets his long service leave. So I still have a lot to work towards. I still have a lot of work to do.

Can I do it?

FUCK YEAH!

It has been a whole year today.... I think I will just let the "before" and "one year later" photos have their say. I will say that I never realised just how big I was. Looking at these pics put it into focus for me.

This time last year I was nervously counting down the days till my LapBand surgery.

I am now excitedly counting down the kilos till goal. I am 5 kg from goal. Not my original goal of 75kg, but my revised goal of 70kg. Hell I may even shoot for 65... Who knows?

This past year, in many ways has been a learning experience. Not just about exercise and nutrition, but about who I am. Who I want to be, who I can become.

Sappy shit huh?

Despite my fabbo gym membership, I learned that you *can* exercise for FREE! Whoda thunk it? For real. You can lace up a pair of shoes, slap on a hat, and go for a walk. And when a walk is no longer a challenge, jog. When that is no challenge RUN! Run for your life woman!

I even discovered that those skinny little sticks on the aerobics are not the only people on the face of Gods green earth that can twist and contort their bodies.. I can do it too! (side note.. So many yoga positions are fantastic as sexual positions)

So anyway.. Midway through the year I gave the gym the flick. I was walking about 5km's a day every day, and running every second day for about a half an hour. I was finding it really hard to fit the gym into my day. So I just made sure that I kept up my walking and running. I sought out aerobics on TV (Some of it was total shit, and I would just end up sitting down for 30 minutes watching plastic tits bouncing up and down. But at least I got my water in on those days, and the odd orgasm, LOL)

I brought a few yoga DVD's on eBay, and have just invested in a belly dancing for fitness DVD. That should be interesting. Maybe I can learn to shake my shit, LOL.

Anyhoo.. I have the attention span of a 16 year old who had smoked too much weed... I shall finish this thought later.. Maybe add some pictures if I can find some I am not ashamed to publish on the web.

Only 8 days to go till it has been 1 whole year.

You Are Miss Piggy

A total princess and diva, you're totally in charge - even if people don't know it. You want to be loved, adored, and worshiped. And you won't settle for anything less. You're going to be a total star, and you won't let any of the "little people" get in your way. Just remember, piggy, never eat more than you can lift!

The Muppet Personality Test