I have been

Trying to post for ages! Dammit!

Christmas sales kicked my ass, and I kicked ass sales wise (Still in the top 30 for the region in sales! Pretty good for the new girl from the crappy area store!)

So anyway, I tend to lo into Facebook more than anywhere else these days. More for social shit than anything else.

If yo want an add comment with your email, and I will add you and delete the comment without publishing it.



Just for the record. I don't visit LBT a lot anymore.

Not because I got 'a life" after weight loss.

Not because I found God.

Not because I fell into a ravine never to be seen again.

But because there are far too many assholes there (they know full well who they are, and chances are you do too) for me to bother wasting my time, breath and brain cells on.

I just hate reading "Oh, people at goal don't post because...." bullshit. I don't post because of the assholes I wish to avoid.



But all my love goes out to She, Jachut, LJM and all the other regulars I posted with for so long. I do think of you all. And I will visit and post one of these days.

It's amazing what a couple of glasses of white will do for ones honesty, huh?

It's 2:45 am

I am still drunk, and I had a GREAT fucking time at the staff Xmas party tongight!

WOO HOO


(I don't normally drink so much, but fuck it, right?)

Gee, where have I been?

In short, around.

I have been super busy with work, and the promotion only meant more hours, so I have been at work more than at home these days.

Thankfully, I can get home, get out of my work ear, into my running gear, the kid gets on his bike and I can go for a run.

Its the only thing that's keeping me sane!


DH brought a *beautiful* ring for our 11th anniversary... But I am not allowed to wear it till the 13 of December. Dammit. So I will have to wait to show you that.

I have ordered in a really nice Casio G-Shock watch for him (from the cockpit series. Very classy, not the typical plastic looking G-Shock) for his present. It will be interesting to see if the G-Shocks are as indestructible as they claim. DH will put it to the test.

A couple of weeks ago, I had to go to a traning night for Casio. They fed us crap food, worse wine, sat us in a dark room, then sent us bowling. Well, after a couple of wines, I was feeling no pain, and couldn't bowl for shit. So I TOTALLY lost. With an amazing score of 23.

They called us back into the dark little room for what we thought was further training. But when we got there, they announced that one team had both the highest and lowest scores of the whole lot of us (there we about 60 of us, all from different stores, there)

It was our team. My manager had the highest, and I had the lowest. For that little bit of drunken humiliation, I won the boy child a blue G-Shock watch (just a basic watch, but still worth about $200)

So. Who said losers come last? LMAO!

Oh! And the monthly figures cam out yesterday... In the region, I had the 4th highest sales (out of roughtly 300 odd people) I am still a bit flored by that. Last moth I was # 49 and thought that was pretty awesome. Lets hope I haven't hit my peek.

Found it

Found my iPod. Found my Nike+. Found the time to go for a good run.

The result?

An iPod that FUCKING FROZE mid run. Fucker.

I found an app for the iPhone that uses the GPS that I might have a go at using tomorrow... I will let you Iphone users that run know how that went.

Thanks ladies

I am still walking on air, and am still having trouble taking in that after only 8 short weeks with this company, I am 3IC of a fairly busy (small, but busy) store.

So to celebrate, I went out and brought myself a fab Guess handbag, and that pair of .50ct diamond hoop earrings I have been lusting after.

I deserve it, right?

Guess who got a promotion today?

Guess who is the new 3IC??




WOOOO - HOOOO!!!


I could not have imagined that my little 10 hour a week job would turn into a full time 3IC position!!

I am pretty fucking excited about this. A pay rise, more hours and as soon as I have 6 months as 3IC I can apply for assistant manager jobs (although I love the store that I am at, and wouldn't want to move, but a 38k salary does tempt me)

Gosh. Good things do come to those who wait, huh?




*3IC is third in charge. Basically assistant manager lite.

Oh. My. Gosh.

Tonight I made the yummiest veggie muffins....


1 large zucchini (grated)
1 large carrot (grated)
1 chopped eschalot
1/2 cup of tasty cheese
20g (or so) of parmesan cheese
1 clove garlic very finely chopped
3 eggs lightly whisked
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
1/2 cup wholemeal self raising flour
cracked pepper to taste

Combine the lot, mix, and bake in a lined muffin pan.

They were so good even Mr Cranky Pants (DS) loved them.

Its funny

I have been reading some blogs, and a fairly consistent theme is "When I get to goal I will (insert fun or life changing thing here)"


But why wait? Why not do it now? Why wait another second to chase that dream, to make your life better. You will be no more worthy of it then that you are RIGHT NOW.

Wow! It's been a little while, huh?

The kid got home safe and sound, a little burnt, and very tired.

It's strange how 90% of his clothes came home *exactly* as I packed them. And clean too. Good boy he is...

But he had a great time.

He brought home the most darling flu. And he was kind enough to share t with me! My snot is now fluro yellow, slightly crusty, and very, uhm. Tasty. My poor throat is as sore as hell, and my body aches like it's going to fall apart at any second.

But apart from that everything is great!


I have to find my bloody Nike+ thingo.Its gone and I just can't find the fucking thing. I am seriously thinking of buying a new one. Its just gone. But I know the second I buy a new one, the old one will turn up.

What's a girl to do?
'
I had a day off on Friday, and SIL and I took the kids to the beach. They had a blast. I got burnt, and felt even worse, but they had a great time.

We also have a new family member. Bob the cat. Y. T. Bob to be exact. (the Y. T. stands for young terrorist) He is the sweetest little white Manx kitten. One eye s blue, and the other is the standard cat yellow. He is a little charmer. I wub him to bits, I do.

So that's all that's new. Not a great deal. Not nearly enough to blog about... But there it is.

I am just killing time till the Kid calls at 7:30pm

The boy-child is off in Canberra this week, arriving home on Saturday afternoon. He spent yesterday at Parlament House, and the day before (Monday) they spent the day in Sydney at the Opera House, Harbour Bridge and Taronga Park Zoo.

Today he froze his baby balls off in the snow feilds in Perisher Vally.

More fun to come in the next few days, and I have to say I am missing him madly... My baby has never been this far away for this long.


Anyway. DH and I have decided that next year (September 2009) we will be going on a cruise.
This one


A week departing Brisbane on the Saturday, hitting Noumea, New Caledonia on Monday, Lifou, Loyalty Islands on Tuesday, then Vila, Vanuatu on the Wednesday, getting back to Brisbane the following Saturday.

Sounds like heavan, huh?

Where have I been?

Around.


I am just busy at work, busy with getting the kid ready for his trip, and just, well. Busy!!

I will have to find time to shop for a new dress this week. We are going to the theatre this week, and I have nothing to wear. Oh! What has become of me?!?!

I love my son

And I *will* miss him next week when he is in Canberra...


But if I hear Linkin Park, or freaking Coldplay once more tonight, I am going to lose it big time.

He has had that CD on repeat all afternoon. All afternoon. "What I have done" and "Viva la Vida" over and over, and over, and over....

Waaahhhhh

I have my period.

This fucking sucks. Cramps, and clots, and blood! Oh. My!


On the bright side, I am no longer an angry beast who could suck your brains out through your eye sockets!!

There is a sliver lining for 'ya!


Oh, speaking of silver, or gold.... I brought a 9ct belcher bolt ring bracelet, and nice watch at work today. I love sales. Especially 50% off sales... I am going to be SO poor this week! LMAO Then I went to Portmans. A denim jacket and floral skirt later, I was outta there.

I like being employed. I like pissing my pay away too!

Edited to add more info than you EVER needed to know.... (so look away if you get queasy)

About 2k into my run, I thought I had wet my pants.

No. I hadn't. Not in the way you would expect. Gah. Bring on the hysterectomy.

Gee

I am always tired (apart from when I can't sleep) My house is a mess, my kid is having to fend for himself a little more, and he has to do more housework.


And I couldn't be happier (well, I could, but you get what I mean)

The best part of working in a jewelry store? Forgot to put earrings on this morning, and only realised when I got to work.

I brought some cute ball studs for a great whopping $25 bucks (I love my staff discount, and I MUST stay for at least 2 years to get my 24 month service discount. I will be getting my 3ct trilogy ring then. I have a plan)


Ohh! I am getting the cutest glasses. After finding that I need my reading glasses pretty much all the time at work, I decided that it was time to invest in some bifocals.

I ended up with black Hello Kitty glasses.

*swoons*

You will have to trust me. The are freaking awesome. Not kiddy at all. I wouldn't have brought them if they were. I will post pics when I puck them up next week.

It happened again

I might just have to check that I am not growing balls or something.



Or it might just be the big bag of prunes I have demolished in less than a week.


Mmmmmmm..... Prunes....

I am thinking of

listing all the blogs I read.

If you would like to be included, let me know in a comment.

Because sharing is caring

I pooped like a man today. For real. I feel lighter...

So DH was right, and I *was* full of shit.

hey kids!

I am at the hairdresser with a half hour to kill, so I thought I would let you all know I am still alive, and well. Kid is off to camp in a couple of weeks, so we are busy getting ready for that, and I am enjoying work.

I have to say the only thing I hate about going to the hairdresser is the hard sell with the products. It pisses me off. I know what's best for *my* hair. I know that the crap they are trying to sell me does not hold my curl in any way and that's why I don't use it.

Le sigh.

Love to all My girls!

A quickie

I am really loving my job.

And for a part time job, it turned full time real quick. One of the chicks quit to go to Japan, so I was offered her job. YAY! Full time work.

So much for starting slowly, huh?

Holy shit, I think I need a break from the interwebs

Because clearly what I say gets lost somewhere.

On a popular lap band web forum a question was asked regarding the need for plastic surgery after a 100lb weight loss.

The replies were all pretty nice till I replied that there really is no way to tell what will be needed after massive weight loss.

Somehow, I am wrong (although even plastic surgeons say there really is no way to tell!)

Maybe everyone in the world but me is some sort of psychic? Maybe they have a Chrystal ball?

I don't know.

All I know, is that apparently I am wrong.

No matter what I say, I am wrong.

So, whatever. I will give this chick the last word. I appears to be important to her (I deleted my last post in that thread. I honestly can't be bothered to argue anymore... I am honestly giving up)

Add to this the recent deluge of idiots who can't read, and take a comment or two of mine totally out of context and call me judgemental and heartless, I don't know what more I can say.

Oh. Sarah H. (whoever you are)

Oh. Sarah. Give me a fucking break here.

If you want intelligent conversation and thought, go elsewhere. Pick up a book, watch a foreign film.

And yes. You did say I was heartless, so do me a favor. Fuck off. I assume nothing about anyone. And what I said gives no indication that I do. All I said what that YOU assumed that I was never hurt badly. YOU were the one that assumed. Not me.

So the simple solution, if you prefer intelligent conversation, and think I am heartless and mean, is to go elsewhere.

I won't be hurt if you don't come back. Pinkie swear!

Hugs and kisses
The Heartless Bitch.
xoxo






The good stuff.

The kid goes away on the 14th, and DH and I have our plans set out for the week he is away. Dinner out at least two nights, and A Mid Summer Night's Dream on Thursday the 18th.

I am almost giddy at the thought of being childless for that long. I know we have had DS at SIL's for almost that long before, but it's kinda different when it isn't family that's looking after your offspring.

Dunno (How's THAT for intelligent!)

I had to go to DFO for a work skirt, and while I was there I went into the Table Eight store. I am not normally a fan of Table Eight, but I found the nicest day dress. Cheap too.

I still have to buy the kid gloves and a warm jacket, I found a couple of contenders.... But he wasnt with me, so I guess I have to go back, huh? MORE SHOPPING!

Work is going well. I am enjoying it far more than I thought I would. But for a part time job, it feels awfuly like full time (I was supposed to have 20 hours, I am getting closer to 35)

Anyway, all is going well.

Interesting

I was asked today by my doc how I felt about having a hysterectomy.

I am a bit shocked.

It would be a means to an end. I know I am never going to have any more children. But it's not just closing the door. It's bricking it up.

So.

I got the invitation to my sisters wedding.

It's late October, and in another state. I know she wanted me to be Maid of Honour, but, I am just not sure I can swing it.

Can I just pick the most expensive thing on her registry and send it?

About the gift registry. This is her second marriage, and she has been living with the guy for about 6 or 7 years, and they registered for stuff? I am no expert, but I don't think it's the done thing to register for gifts....

I don't know. I just don't.

By Thor. I love being judged for being judgemental

They hypocrisy of it all!

Here, this is what I mean. I just got around to checking out my comments This is one from Sarah;
I think it's awesome that you've lost so much weight, and have kept it off for so long. You obviously have a great amount of emotional and physical strength.

I lost incredible amounts of weight before I had my band. I also gained incredible amounts of weight.

Everyone makes excuses for different reasons, and for different issues in their lives. People make choices, and do what they need to do in order to survive everyday. Not everyone who is morbidly obese is that way because of a conscious choice they've made; insisting that it's the truth will not change the truth.

Even though the most difficult part is over for you, try to imagine yourself in someone else's shoes - someone who is *entirely* different from you. Not just someone who is morbidly obese - Imagine for a moment, if you will, that you're a victim of sexual or physical abuse who eats for comfort, to lower the chances of anyone worthwhile being sexually attracted to you. When that comfort is taken away, panic sets in and takes away all thoughts of losing weight and being "happy".

The only thing that matters at that moment is the fear, and the need for comfort. Just imagine that, and see how easy it is for you to tell that person that they're just making up excuses. If you can still say that, when you know the whole story, then you truly are judgmental, and even a bit heartless. Surely it isn't that black and white for you, in your life. Why expect that it's any different for people struggling with similar, or very different, issues with weight?

Sarah. Sweetheart. You assume that I was never sexually abused, never violated... You just assume darling.

We all have our crosses to bear. Everyone. The trick in this life, the only one you get, is to rise above it, and get the fuck on with life.

If we can't move on we get stuck in that spot, re living it day in, day out.

So NEVER assume that because someone appears to be "judgmental, and even a bit heartless" to you, don't assume it's because they haven't been victims.

*If* I am that, it's because I refuse to be a victim to my past. Held hostage like so many other people I see who can't move on, who are trapped by it. But I am not. If I was honestly heartless and judgemental, I would have given my husband shit for losing and gaining the same 10kg over and over. If I was heartless, I would not have done half the things I have in the last couple of years.

I am just a very strong person. I encourage others to be the same. Be the strongest person you can be.

And if you HONESTLY think I am heartless. Fuck off.

Going through my photobucket account

I came across some of my more revealing before/during pics.
This


vs



That, and it's hardly a surprise some people have trouble believing I am the same person.

Ok. Here they are

2 years post op TT.





I will get pics of the scar later.

(Please ignore the period bloat. I fucking hate being a woman some days, you get to almost bleed to death on a monthly basis, and smile while you want to die and take everyone down with you. What joy)

Oh, and a shiny two buck coin for anyone who can tell me where my Nike+ receiver is. I had to run without it today.

The boy goes to Canberra for a school trip in just under a months time. I have theatre tickets and a dinner booked for two of the nights. I think I will just enjoy the peace & quiet for the other 4! LOL.

I do have to find two new outfits. I had planned to wear a dress that needed taking in, but have decided that it's going to be more trouble than it's worth. So I might just buy something else.

I already have one like this in grey.

I do have time to buy something else if I decide not to go with that...

Edit
Would this dress be too much for the theatre? It might be a bit cold for mid September though. That's the only thing. Humm.

2 years post op tummy tuck

Not today, yesterday. I kinda forgot. It's still flat as ever, and the scars have faded nicely. I am still pleased as punch.


So, that makes me 3.5 years post op lap band. Gosh, time flies.

I have been this weight for over 2 years now. Holy shit!


I will take pics of the fab tummy today and post. They will be the fist pics of my new scars too (from the tube shortening surgery I had last month. Dr C went in through the old port scar and the old probe scar. The port site scar is well hidden in my belly button, the probe scar, not so hidden!)

So yeah. Nothing much else is going on.

Still going to the physio. I am responding well to the treatment, and now only have to see him twice a month, and continue to do my exercises twice a day. All very exciting.

I have joined the ranks

Of those who have iPhones.


It's actually quite heavy compared to my Motorola K1. But I love it none the less.

I am alive

I survived my first day of work. It went well. I still have all of my limbs.

I am still pretty excited about working, and being around other adults again.

I do love my MIL

And I know that she just lost her husband, but the conversation is, and always has been the same...

"I got up, and had a bit of toast and took my medication, then I answered the phone... And then I had a nap, then I went to church, then I came home and answered the phone, and then...."

You get the message.

I love her to bits, but the conversation is always the same, and always as stimulating.

And now she is trying to make me feel guilty for not taking that bread she brought yesterday, and saying that she will be okay without a light in her kitchen. That she can wait till my DH comes to fix it in a couple of days (in a sad panda voice)

Long conversations about nothing I can live without. Honest.

Maybe the anti-Chickie peeps have it right. Maybe I am a bitch.

But I have been on the phone for 45 fucking minutes, and I need to pee, and am very hungry. Very.

Edit to add;

Okay. I do sound a wee bit cunt-tastic there. She is frustrating me. I am not dealing with it well. Me going back to work, and getting a bit of space from her is the best thing, I think.

This bit of insight brought to you by a 5k run (and I know I am limited to 3k, but I can take it off one of my other runs. I know it doesn't work that way. Feel free to point and laugh when I hurt myself)

Good times

Had 5 kids under 12 yesterday for the whole day.

I managed to keep the house clean, and to get in a 3k run around the soccer field while the kids played in the middle (it's amazing what $10 worth of styrofoam aeroplanes will buy you)

So we had dinner at MIL's when SIL got back from Young Con with the three eldest (apparently DS will be applying for Young Con next year according to SIL. There go my Saturdays!)

Good times.

Anyway, I start work on Tuesday. I am excited, but pretty calm. I am sure I will freak out late Monday arvo, Tuesday morning.

It will happen. Give me time.

As a side note, I love my house. After a trip to Ikea, and several hundred dollars worth or Swedish crap I really didn't need, and an after noon of re-arranging furniture, I am in love with my living / dining / study and entry area's.

Yep, shallow consumerism at its best <3

Found the pants!

I tried everywhere short of Myers (I usually don't stress about spending money on good clothes, but navy isn't a colour I wear, so I didn't want to sink money into them if the job doesn't work out. And even if it does, I will be issued with a uniform after 3 months... Hence my reluctance to spend lots of $$$)

Anyway, I ended up getting them in of all places Susan Grey. In a wide leg, short length. Joy. The search is ovah.



Ok. Something that is bugging me (gee, nothing usually bugs ME)

My surgeon has a fantastic down to earth attitude. He is a real person. Not the usual surgeon type.

We agree on pretty much everything, and every time I go in to see him is is usually for a god natter on the latest studies, attitudes and other WLS and obesity crap.

So, there is this chick who sees the same surgeon, and she is forever saying "My surgeon says this" and "my surgeon says that" and it bugs the shit out of me. Have a fucking opinion of your own.

It happens that I agree with the man, but if I didn't... You get what I mean. I just can't stand it, because she is quoting him, and that isn't really what he says to me when I see him. It's odd. I think she hears what she wants to, and regurgitates the bits that sound good.

Meh. I wonder if her opinions / thoughts / comments will change when she is actually banded?

How hard is it

To find navy blue dress pants?

Apparently, almost impossible. I have tried quite a few stores, and nothing. Sigh.

At least I found a nice white blouse, and a cute pair of shoes (at the DFO Tony Bianco for $30 I must take a pic. Gosh, I love DFO)

And after the pillow Vs TV incident (the one that ended the TVs pathetic life) I didn't end up with the 32" LCD that I wanted.

We ended up with a 42" plasma.

I spent a whole freaking day looking for a 32" LCD. picked up the kid and the DH for the last leg of the journey, only to have the kid and the bigger kid fall in love with a massive TV.

After hearing them whine about how they would love it... And how plasma is *so* much better than LCD... We got the farking thing. It's HUGE. Too big if you ask me. But no one did! LMAO.


So, anon, I am not ignoring you, I just haven't had time to address your longer than long comment.

Short reply, I am not annoyed. I just have a lot on my plate. Ya know? Surgery for me, then MIL and putting my FIL in the ground after nursing him for close on 4 years, then getting a job. I am just busy. Too busy to be explaining myself to people who read one or two things I say out of context.

So forgive me if I get snippy.

I don't think PCOS is sad, because, lets face it, there is worse in this life. There really is. And I am a "the glass is half full" kinda gal. I might have issues, but I can live with it.

And infertility isn't the end of the world. I have lived with IF for my whole married life, and suffered more losses than you could imagine. But life goes on. Ya know? I still wake up in the morning, pee and have a coffee (or 6). I am not saying it was easy to get over. But you do. You move on, or you don't. And if you don't, THEN it's sad.

People who have a problem with me, have problems with me because of something within them. It's not about me. Its because I did something they think *they* cant do, so it can't be done. It's never about me.

And yes. I see a physio. I just don't post *everything* I do. If you get what I mean.

So yeah, there is the short version of what I wanted to say. I am not pissy with anyone, or anything. I am just a woman, like many, who has too much to do, and too little time. So If I come across as snippy and short, its because I just don't have heaps of time.

So. Nutrition isn't important?

Video here

I really do be to differ. I really do.

It bothers me on a few levels that this woman, who has only been banded 18 months, is saying that "nutrition isn't important, foods that slide down are".

But, she isn't just saying it, she wrote a cookbook full of recipes. It has;

4 soup
6 entrees
12 mains
9 desserts

Now. Beyond the liquid phase, 99.99% of banded people will not eat soup, for obvious reasons. An entree sized meal is what a pretty well restricted bandster will eat, so I see the value in entrees. Mains.. Yeah, you don't have to eat it all... But the deserts? I question their place in a band related cookbook. And why 9? When there are only a total of 18 other useful recipes?

But, I don't think that the recipes themselves are very nutritionally sound. Not balanced. From what I saw, there was little in the way of solid food, but more slider type foods. Foods that will empty out of the pouch quickly, leaving bandster hungry again.

A huge congrats to her on losing 69kg, but I am sorry, it doesn't make her qualified (in my mind at least) to write a cookbook aimed at bandsters. And her saying "Nutrition doesn't matter" is a load of bullshit. We, as people with a WLS in place need to be EXTRA careful with what we eat. We need to make sure we do receive proper nutrition through what we eat.

Red rag to a bull.

And less than an hour after I watched this story, the TV I was watching it on stopped working?

Cowinkidink?


(LOL, I don't really think that, but it's funny, no? And I will finally get my HD LCD TV! Yay!)

Dear Anon,

**This is what I am replying to**
Anon here. Dude, I have nothing but respect for you. No need to be apologetic - you've worked hard and accomplished a lot. I'm just saying not to judge morbidly obese people by saying they're just making excuses why they fail - unless, of course, you mean fail to get banded, etc. I'm just saying that doing it without WLS - I wouldn't judge them for failing.

P.S. You still have PCOS? That's sad. Did your other conditions improve?

Sweetie,
I am NOT judging anyone. People DO make excuses, and crap on about why they can't exercise, why they MUST eat crap food, and can't possibly eat healthy food (Usually "too expensive" "I don't have time to cook" and "I don't like it").

I have a friend with a clotting disorder, who had WLS, who had the best excuse in the world NOT to exercise. But guess what she did? She sucked it up, and did what she could, and lost crazy amount of weight. She now looks and feels like a million bucks. Why? Because she put in an effort, despite having issues, she ate well, and exercised.

I am not judging, but I can say that it is WHY they don't lose the sort of weight they want to lose (making excuses). It's not rocket science. If you don't eat right, and exercise, even with a band, or other WLS, you ain't gonna lose weight. And when people are told this, they go insane.

It's not a judgement, it's a fact.

And why would it be sad that I have PCOS? It doesn't bother me. Yeah, I am a bit hairy, and my cycles are a bit off, but there are worse things in this life, like... Say... Dunno... Cancer? Death? HIV?

And yes, everything else has improved out of sight, my type II is in remission, my blood pressure is perfect, and my hip no longer gives me grief. For that I am truly thankful.

But I have to ask, why go anon? Have the balls to say who you are for Thors sake.

Love,
Sam (Chickie)



And a big THANKS to all my buddies who have sent their congrats on me getting this job. It means a lot girls.

(SCREAMING LIKE A LOON)

I GOT IT!

I GOT IT!

I GOT IT!

I GOT IT!

I GOT IT!

I GOT IT!

I GOT IT!

I GOT IT!

I GOT IT!

I GOT IT!

I GOT IT!

I GOT IT!

I start Tuesday 12th of August!!

WooHoo!

I am employed! (again!)

I am replying to this

***Waaaay before I became morbidly obese, I was an exercise addict - you can't get too much of a good thing LOL. Like I would go on these hour and a half runs and then force myself to stop out of fear that I might have to miss the next day's run if I overdid it. Golly, if a person is going to be addicted to something, let it be running!

Sadly I was in an accident and suffered major injuries which prevented all working out for several years, and every attempt to get back into shape met more injuries....

Now I'm morbidly obese. I don't make excuses for myself, but I do think you might have fogotten what it's like. If I try to exercise at this weight, my old injuries spring back in an instant (trust me, it's brought me to the physical therapist every time, sometimes unable to walk.) I bought a rower instead, and my old rotator cuff tear reared its head. My goal at this point, after the lap band, is to have my shoulder surgically repaired so I can exercise again. I miss it soooo much!

Also, when you're morbidly obese, you have too much insulin in your body, which drives down your blood sugar and causes your body to store more food as fat. My serum blood sugar has been tested at 50 two hours after a meal, when it should be elevated. Blood sugar should never drop below 70!

I'm sure this sounds like a load of excuses to you, but without the band, would you be where you are now? You say not, but read that magazine article about you - you did try for a year before getting banded. Now that you're thin enough to run, and thin enough that your metabolism is healthy and no longer hyperinsulinemic, you can run and exercise and don't crave garbage food all day.

I've spent the last four and a half years in a humiliating series of failed attempts to regain my health through diet and exercise. My hunger would overwhelm me at every attempt, and my injuries would prevent exercise. I hope and pray that the band will take off enough of my hunger to enable me to finally succeed.

Just be thankful, not judgmental!

Anyway, congrats on your success. I'm not criticizing you - just answering your question of whether I think you've forgotten. I hope that a few years after I get my band I, too, can forget what it was like to be morbidly obese!!! :o)

Anon
***






(Had a SUPER long post written out, but this sums it up)

We are all human. Like it or not we are all, in reality, on a level playing field.

It's up to *you* if you wanna play or not.

And no, I am not judging anyone. It's not my place. I can only judge my own actions, and for me to be accountable to myself I must be honest. I have just seen that people who take a good, honest self inventory have a better shot at making this work.


XOXO,
The chick who still has PCOS, a bad knee and at her highest weight, high blood pressure, chronic knee & hip issues and Type II Diabetes.

And for the record, I forget nothing. I have yet to forget my time as a teen mother. Just because I am not a teenager anymore, does that mean that I have forgotten what it was like? The struggles? The pain? The humiliation? The *true* judgement? No. It means I remember all too well, and have fought tooth and nail to get where I am today. I will do what it takes to get what I want. And I refuse to be apologetic for getting what I have worked hard for in my life.

I should know by this afternoon

If I got the job or not. Or if I am being considered for the job that is coming up in a couple of months.

Hopefully I get this one. I need to get out of the house. NOW.

Is success personality based?

Some of the people who don't do as well as they could have an excuse for why they can't exercise, eat right or make the required lifestyle changes.

And if people challenge this, they cry tears of blood.

Others I see, take responsibility for everything they do. They know they must exercise daily, eat right, and make the required lifestyle changes.

No. I can't sit on my ass all day, watching tv or playing on the net and expect that I am going to lose weight (or maintain) Yes. I have to exercise. No, I can't eat pizza, burgers, fries and other heart stopping crap and expect that I am going to lose or maintain. I have to eat good food, in smaller portions.

I have to look after myself in order to maintain what I have lost. I have to be sensible. I know that if I went back to behaviours that made me MO, I would once again become MO.

It's really pretty simple.

But, I am sure there is a reason it would be hard to understand for some.

Life, work and other crap

First of all, a big thank you to everyone who has had me and my family in their thoughts over the last couple of weeks. It's been a rough year so far, and hopefully things will get better from here.

That job that I applied for (and got) I couldn't end up taking.

They wanted me to start Monday 21st, and I would have had to take Wednesday, then Friday off work. They needed someone to start, with no time off the first week, so I decided that it was better for everyone if I didn't take the job.

But. I was standing at the car, in the car park of the crematorium, and my phone rings. It was another one of the jobs I had applied for. They asked me if I could come in for a 2nd interview. So I have a 2nd interview for a retail job (jewelry, it fits me somehow, right?) on Tuesday. Wish me luck.

So, we got home, and DS's fish were floating. Poor little bugger. He is crushed. Dexter, Harry and Brian are dead (yes, I let him read and watch Dexter). RIP little fishies (is it bad that I considered giving them to the cat?)

And now I am sick. Sore throat, body aches, a high temp (can't find my thermometer, so I don't know exactly how high) and now I have the shivers. Good times. I will have to dope myself up on cold & flu tablets for Tuesday at this rate

So, good and bad, it's all there. I think this is just life, right?

Well, it's almost over

FIL was cremated yesterday.

The minister was an asshole, and conducted the service as though it was a normal Sunday service with the addition of a dead body up the front, and he fucked up the bagpipe's by having people sing along to it (a whole line out of sync no less) and smirked as he did so.

Bust aside from the prick conducting the service, it went okay. No blood was shed, and I managed to avoid the people I wanted to avoid.

Dad is at peace now.

Something band related I just thought of

I just realised that if I had NOT been unfilled for the last year and a half (or more) having this tube shortened would have been pretty traumatic.

I would have gone from (presumably) a nice fill level to zero.

Yet another reason I am glad I was unfilled.


And my boy. My big boy.

Picked up his suit today. Oh. My. Goodness.

First of all, I had to buy him a MENS suit (he is 11 years old) then when I went to buy him shoes, I had to buy MENS shoes.

He is 11. Not a man. No. Not a man yet. Not my baby!

He looks so very handsome in his smart black suit and blue dress shirt. I am just not ready for him to look like a man. Not yet.

I have spent the last few hours in tears

Visited MIL at the hospital, and who should turn up? Step BIL and his wife.

His wife is a fucking bulldog. She tells me that I should have everything done by now, and she wants copies so her darling daughter Kath can fix any mistakes I have made.

I was also told I didn't know FIL well enough to be doing any of this, and that I am far too young to understand anything much.

MIL just sat there and let them rip me to shreds.

The way I am feeling right now, they can all go to hell, and I will spend Friday shopping. I shall buy a pair of shoes in honour of FIL (he found great humour in my shoe fetish)

I have just had enough of the bullshit. I know I am not "good enough" for them because I was a single, teenage mother when DH married me.

So that's it. I am out. They can all get stuffed.

My life

Is turning into a fucking soap opera.


I just got a phone call from SIL. Auntie Jean died this morning, and the funeral is on Wednesday. At 9am. And it's only 250km away, so we are going to have to leave at 5am to get there.

I loved Auntie Jean, but I am just not sure I am up to it.

I hit a wall this afternoon

Not a real wall. But it sure felt like it.


By 4:30pm, I was so tired and sore I wanted to cry. I almost did. I don't remember being this tired, sore and emotional when I have had surgery before.

Maybe I am just expecting too much from myself to soon? Or maybe I have just turned into a big baby. I don't know.

What I do know is, I have no energy to put together a Keynote presentation of FIL's life (one that runs for roughly an hour) put together 200 order's of service for the funeral, and source 200 carnations, as well as get photos enlarged and framed.

No one is helping out with this funeral. DH has had to go back to work, and is of no help, MIL had her knee surgery yesterday (and is recovering well) and everyone else is just going about their business and leaving the lot to me.

I think I will cry now. I feel overwhelmed.


Oh, and Kath. It was nice to meet you this afternoon. But you really could have visited FIL before he died. You know, the one that was in the nursing home? The one you passed on a daily basis. Yeah. He died thinking you hated him. It would have been just as easy to visit him as it was for you to visit MIL this afternoon. It would not have been hard.

And I know that MIL asked if you if we could use your churches photocopier to run off FIL's order's of service, but frankly, I would rather drag my belly over hot coals than ask you for anything. It's nothing against your church, but when you ignored FIL during his dying days, and would introduce DH as your "Er, um, relative thing" rather than admitting he is your uncle (bearing in mind you are in your late 30's and should be more mature) it kinda coloured my opinion of you.
Hugs and kisses,
Auntie Sam
xox

(Oh, and I because I *am* younger, and far less mature than you are, I will refer to you as my "niece Kath" at every given opportunity. I know we embarrass you and that is why you talk shit about us to family friends and the church members. The day you were ordained was the day I lost all respect for the Uniting Church in Australia.)

Hmmm

The Park2Park is in 10 days. I wonder if I will be up to a quick 5km by then?

A 2.36km run

Was 2.36km too much less than 48 hours after surgery.

That is all.

I know better

Than to get on the scales after 4 bags of IV fluids and abdominal surgery that has me swollen beyond recognition.


I do know better. I swear.

Ok. I'm back

The surgery was very straight forward, with Dr Copp chopping off about a foot of extra tubing. It *was* all curled up, sitting on top of my diaphragm. No wonder I was in so much pain.

So I am sore & swollen, but happier than I was yesterday.

Saw the doc again this morning

And in about 5 minutes I am headed out the door to be admitted into hospital to have my band tube shortened. All going well, I will only be in overnight.

See you on the other side guys!

Thanks

To everyone who has sent their condolences.

We miss the old bugger already, but we know that he is in a better place, and isn't in pain anymore.

While I was expecting FIL to pass away some time soon, I wasn't expecting it just then, minutes after leaving recovery.

We have arranged the funeral and wake. We have to talk to the minister tomorrow to organize the actual service.

He is a returned serviceman, so SIL and one of my nephews are playing the "Last Post" and our cross the road neighbour happens to play the bag pipes (complete with KILT!) and he will play "Amazing Grace" and a few others before / during / after. I have to sort out flowers for the wife, kids and grand kids to lay on his coffin. And SIL and I have organised bright shirts with bright ties and one of Dad's train tie pins for our boys to wear as a tribute (there are just enough for each of the 8 boys, and our husbands to each wear and keep one of Dad's train tie pins) MIL, SIL and I will all wear big, bright silk flowers on our blouses.

So it's all on track.

Hopefully if I do have to have surgery on Monday (the xray and u/s results were "accidentally" opened today, it said there is "suture matter evident" whatever THAT means. Is that what's causing the pain? Broken internal sutures? Does that explain the referred pain I am having in my left shoulder?) It will be a quick repair job. But I think I am at peace with having another surgery type if need be.

So there it is folks.

RIP FIL

06-01-1914 - 11-07-2008

Dad died peacefully in the arms of his loving wife at 1:30pm this afternoon.








To allow for MIL's knee surgery to go ahead, and my tube shortening surgery to happen (no erosion was shown on the scope), FIL will be embalmed and the funeral will be held in about 2 weeks.

His suffering is over.

Almost 4am

Wide awake & worried.

It had to happen.

What a day!

Ok. So in the end I saw my surgeon.

I have a scope tomorrow at 10:15.

He isn't too sure what's going on. It might just be the tubing rubbing up against my diaphragm causing the pain, but to be on the safe side we must rule out an erosion.

I will know by this time tomorrow I guess.

Either way, I think I will be having surgery on Monday to correct whatever the problem is.

We talked about what happens if the band needs to come out. We agreed that the stats on rebanding after erosion are shocking, and I am going to go straight for either a VSG or maybe an RNY. I would have to have a healing time of somewhere between 6 to 8 weeks.

Half of me is scared shitless. But the other half is actually happy that if something is wrong, I will not be forced to reband. I will be able to have a VSG if that is what I want.

We also touched on revising the surgery even if there is nothing wrong. He isn't too keen on it, but he said if I could convince him, he would do it. So we will see I guess.

Edited some time later
Now that the pain meds have kicked in...

Part of me hopes that it is an erosion, so the choice is taken out of my hands, and I don't have to convince my doc to revise me. It might not be ideal, but it is a way out. And right now, I want a way out. I hate being in pain, and being useless, and right now, that's what I am.

Band site pain +light headedness + feeling shaky =

A visit to the surgeon, right?

Well. Not according to my Drs assistant nurse, Benita.

The woman diagnosed me over the phone, was really quite rude, and told me that band problems are always accompanied by a red, raised port area!

Fuck no, they are fucking NOT. Liar and bullshit artist.

I told her that I am capable of reading, and that I have read studies and personal accounts of band problems being silent till one day - BANG.

Being the cunt I am when I am in pain, I thanked her for her time, and told her that I would sit tight till sepsis set in.

At that, she told me to let her get back to her, and when she did she had arranged for me to be seen at the Drs other rooms at Greenslopes.

Edited because I don't want to get sued should she read this.

I think

I might have just applied for a job. And I think I might get it. All I have to do it supply a resume, and I might start Saturday!

Bloody hell. How did this happen?

Let us define insanily

It would be, driving an hour and a hlaf to look after 7 children all day (3 with special needs), THEN take 2 of them home with you for a sleep over.

DS is as happy as a pig in mud. Me, I am fighting tears. I am tired, stressed and need a nap.

Thankfully DH is off work today, and is looking after all three boys so I can drive MIL around without them farting, fighting and screaming in the backseat.

I DO love them. I do. Honest. I am just tired right now.

Waiting

For my iPod to charge so I can go for a run...

If it doesn't charge in the next 20 minutes, I will have to give up on going for a run till tonight.


Edited a little while later.

Sometimes I struggle with what to blog about. I am a very boring sort of person. I know people *do* visit me...

But what do they visit for?

Lapband related stuff?

Fashion? (oh, please say fashion! I would love to blog about style, although I am pretty boring that way too!)

Just to catch up?

Or all of the above?

I need a bike

I am seriously thinking about buying a bike to run to the supermarket on when I only need to pick p milk, bread and little crap that I could throw in a backpack.

The store is only a couple of km away, and I could walk (and have) but in the hotter weather, it would be better if I could get there and back quickly...

Things that make you go hmmmm....

Or I could just send DH.

But with petrol prices the way they are ($1.65/l yesterday) it might be the way to go.

And I think I need a new coffee machine. You know the type. The ones that make a flat white?

We had one a few years ago, and it was awesome. But we never replaced it when it died. I think we need a new one. Shopping (even if it is only online) just isn't right without a good half strength skinny flat white.

Am I strange?

(Read on before you answer "Yes!")

Am I strange because I don't like jeans?

How I love end of financial year sales!

2 pairs of fab shoes, marked down from $99 and $89, to $20 a pair! *Swoons*

We all know how much I love shoes, right? Pair #1 is a 2.5 inch stiletto heel, drop side peep in black, pair #2 is a stacked 3 inch heel with a peep toe. I need to take photos, but gosh. They are pretty. And they smell sooo goooodddd (I love leather, does this say something about my personality?)

Anyway, I found myself in Roger David (a menswear store) with the intent to buy DH some socks (they usually have his size, 14+, in stock, but not today!) and I ended up with a stack of shorts and button down shirts for the boy-child! They were already marked down from roughly $60 each to 20, but for every one I brought, I got one half price! Woo Hoo! The boy-child will not go naked this summer!! A whole wardrobe for the boy for less than $200! He had fun modeling the new threads when I got home (yes, I shop without the whiny little princess... Thankfully a I am pretty good at eyeballing his size these days)

Have I said how much I love the end of financial year sales?

As a side note... Is it a bad thing that I am considering turning the spare bedroom into a closet / dressing room for me?

Dear Hassle Free Share Sales PtyLtd,

Thanks you for your kind offer to buy our AMP shares for 1/3 or their value. Even if I was down to my last dollar, I would not touch your shady offer with a ten foot pole. I pray that every one else who got your too good to be true, limited time offer treated it the same way I did. If I was STUPID enough to sell my shares to you, I would be down 300k at retirement age. 300k buys a lot of shoes. Do ya hear me?

Thanks again, but no thanks,
Signed,
Smart enough to buy shares, and too smart to sell them to you, asshole.
xox

One thing I don't understand

About overweight people who make excuses....

Is WHY, oh why do they try to bring people down to their level?

Why must they insist that people who have lost weight, and are down to goal (no, its not me I am talking about here) have problems with something else in place of food.

The person in question told a good egg, who is at goal weight, and has been for some time that she has replaced food with spending money.

I swear! If I hear that Dr Phill bullshit one more fucking time I am going to scream. Why must people psycho analyse shit all the time?

Why can't some one have actually conquered their daemons? Why must there still be an "addiction" that has replaced food? Personally, I get told that I have replaced food with exercise... Because I exercise for the recommended 30 minutes to an hour a day. The addict that I am!

Or is it just that I HAVE forgotten what it's like to be morbidly obese and making excuses for myself?

DS's top 5

Reasons I am a super mean Mum.

5. He earns his $10 a week at 23 cents per job. If he only does 3 jobs, he only gets 69 cents. Yep. It's the way it works in this house.

4. If he rides his bike to school, he must ride it home. I will not pick him and his bike up.

3. I wont let him play on the PlayStation before school. J's Mum lets J play video games before school! He is the ONLY KID IN THE WHOLE WORLD who isn't allowed to play video games before school.

2. I make him play his Sax for a full 20 minutes a day! No one else he knows is punished this way.

1. I won't put the air con on (It's 10*C Not -10. Put a fucking jumper on and stop complaining kid!)

Ahh. I love being a parent!

MIL is having a knee replacement on the 16th of July, so I will have a week off my "normal" duties while she is in hospital, but we will have to move in with her for a week after she comes out. Can't say I am looking forward to that.

Anyway. FIL is still hanging on, but is weak, and honestly, I don't know how much more fight he has left in him. But we will see.

All I know is, the last 4 months or so of my life have been devoted to my in-laws. With very little time off for myself. It's actually getting to me a bit. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.

A lot of photos with no real point

Did some shopping today, brought this dress on impulse... I am in love with it, but the boy child says it makes me look fat. I said he was a liar, and told him to go to his room. He said that I would still look fat in that dress even if he did go to his room, so sending him there wouldn't change anything.

Tell me the boy child was just being mean? (If he is just being mean, I wouldn't be surprised... Look a who his mother is! And we were just mucking around. He and I both know I look FAB!))


And now for some pics I took the other day (before I got my hair cut)



Me sweating my tits off running the MDC


Lookit that thigh wobble! Impressive, huh?

The boy child on his 11th birthday last month

Wow!

DH and I went to the Birsbane Powerhouse today to see the 2008 World Press Photo award winners. Such talent... The stories behind some of the photos were amazing, others we so heartbreaking.

I had to stifle a little laugh... A private school (one of the really snobby one's that cater to Brisbanes elite) were also looking at the exibit. The teachers were forever having to tell the snobs kids to stop walking in front of people, and standing in front others. It was amusing. I know my poor, publically educated child wouldn't be half as rude as these kids were. I guess 2 incomes, 2 expensive cars, an overpriced house and a swanky edumaction to pay for doesn't produce polite children.

Who'da thunk it?

Oh yeah!

And we brought a new car two weeks ago Tuesday.

A silver 2008 For Focus sedan. I traded my baby FeeFee (my 2004 Ford Fiesta) for the Focus. But at least the Focus seems to get somewhere near the same mileage as the FeeFee. My major fear with buying a bigger car was that my fuel costs would rise dramatically.

Now to name her...

Once again I am floored at how rude people are.


I was asked in the LBT chat (I don't normally go in, it was a slip of the clicker) how much fill I have.

I replied none, I haven't been filled since 2006.

This chick then demanded to know why I need a band if I could do it on my own.

Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.

Something cool

Obviously my body composition has changed. I am smaller now at 107 than I was last year... My waist hip and bust are all smaller, yet I weigh exactly what I did last year.

Anyway, I am now a small 6DD (Aussie sizing) So my band and cup have both gone down (before I was a large 6 / small 8 band, and an F cup)

I thought that was pretty damm cool.

Alright boys and girls

Time for an update!


FIL is now safe and sound in his new nursing home. Actually, its been almost 2 weeks (I think. I keep losing track of time - its a serious problem!)

Anyway, my life still revolves around taking my MIL to and from hospitals and assorted destinations (the newest being her SIL's hospital in Nambour - a 500km round trip from home)

So between carting MIL around, and looking after the regular day to day crap, I haven't had much time to myself.

The 6th marked the 2nd anniversary of getting to my goal weight.

Yay me.


I had a quicker than quick look at LBT today.

I have to say, I am not too sure about that place these days. And the mentor thing has me both shaking my head and laughing out loud. I LOVE the way the idiots jump up and down and say "Pick me!! I ROCK and I can show you how to lose a million pounds in 5 minutes! All you gotta do is be real restricted, puke up everything you eat, and refuse an unfill!"

Yes. I am talking about Grace. I actually laughed out loud when I saw the thread offering herself up as mentor. I don't know if it was in that thread, but she said somewhere it was/is ok to eat like shit and gain weight because of stress.

What a moron.

Attention Grace!! I had a devastating miscarriage, 3 months of hell, followed by putting my FIL in a nursing home, and I managed NOT TO GAIN WEIGHT. It can be done my love. It can be done.

I could never be a mentor. So this doesn't come from a place of jealousy. I know I wouldn't cut it. A few good reasons jump out at me without even thinking about it.

1. I don't like hero worship. I hate having people fawn over me. Even if it is genuine, it feels... I don't know... Wrong? I don't like it anyway. And it seems to go hand in hand with being a mentor over at LBT. In fact, it looks to be a requirement.

2. I know bloody well what worked (and works) for me won't suit everyone. And I know that my take no shit attitude doesn't suit the hand holding that being a mentor requires.

3. I am not online enough. It's pretty hit or miss at the moment. Hopefully life will settle down, and I can get online more for the fun stuff, but right now, I just don't have time.

But anyway. LBT has Grace, and her words of wisdom on being overfilled, surviving on soda pop (OMG - LMAO) and not wanting to unfill despite being malnourished.

I am just so glad I am not a newbie now. Rock on Grace. Rock on.


Ok. Forget about Coffee Talk Ladies. Apparently, the people who sold us the board wanted it back, and deleted our database. If they wanted it back that bad, all they had to do was ask. I would have gladly sold (or even given) it back to them. As it is they can go get fucked. I don't have time for this shit.

An update

FIL is home, but will be headed into nursing care on Monday, actually DH will be taking FIL to the hospital first thing in the morning and handing him over to them... They wanted him in care, but FIL wanted to be home and had himself discharged on Friday afternoon against medical advice... The whole family is in agreement that this is for the best.

I had a miscarriage. With time I will be able to give details, but right now I am numb and raw.

I ran the Mothers Day Classic today with DH. I ran a shit-tacular time of 27:22 over the 4.5km course. DH did well for his first run with a 36:20 minute run.

DH and I after the run

Thanks ladies!

Kirsten! Babe!! Get your cute self over to Coffee Talk Ladies (formerly Phat Moms, now owned by me, Jodi and Sassy) And THANK YOU!!!

She Smiles, yep, it's a pregnancy test. That second faint line means I am all knocked up. The family is treating me like I am made of glass. It's actually driving me a little insane.

Steph - Yes, we are happy, this is very, very very unexpected. I am pretty sure it was the antibiotics I was on a couple of months ago that caused this. Now the trick is making Jr stay where he/she is supposed to be. I have a history of losses an arm long, so we are trying not to get too excited. But for the moment, I am pregnant, and we are all happy about it.

Ok. So this was unexpected.

FIL is still with us. He is much the same. He has good days and bad. When I go in to visit with DH, he knows who we are. But when I go in on my own, I am his first wife Vera. Yet, he always knows who DS is. He gets the biggest smiles and tightest hugs. I am glad he has some grasp on reality. But the times he slips into the past seem to give him the most comfort.

We ended up dragging ourselves out to Phantom last night. DS stayed the night with MIL, and we had a simply beautiful time. I didn't put as much effort into my outfit as I usually do, but I think I can be excused this time. I wore that Sophia dress from J Crew, a green-y / aqua pashmina I got from Tree of Life, black satin shoes and a black satin clutch from Kate Hill. DH was boring and didn't go naked as I suggested, but wore his black suit, green shirt and darker green tie.
Here is a pic DH took when we got home

FIL is now nil by mouth because when he does take anything thing liquid, it i going straight to his lungs.

They put him on an IV of normal saline, just so he stays hydrated, but after putting through close to 2l of saline, his output was only 240ml.

I don;t know what to make of that yet, because I haven't talked to the doctors, but it looks to me like his kidneys are shutting down.

DH took MIL to the hospital this morning, and I am going to take DS shopping for a suit. I want to be ready for it when it happens. I don't want to have to worry about what DS is wearing.

Then DS and I will get to the hospital for a visit.

Thanks for all the prayers and well wishes. I am so exhausted right now I can barley think straight. I have been existing on less than 3 hours of sleep a night, and everything is going to shit around me, but I have to be there. I wouldn't want to die alone. Step BIL and SIL came for a visit yesterday, and he pretended to be asleep, and as soon as they went he "woke up" and talked to me for a little while. He told me that DH has been a good son, and SIL (not the step SIL) has been a good daughter, and that he will miss them when he is gone. The he looked at me and told me that he loved them, and to make sure I told them that.

I don't know if he will make it, or how long he has, but I don't think it's long.

If you pray

Please pray for FIL.

He is doing very poorly. He has a nasty kidney infection, and suspected pneumonia (it was yet to confirmed when I left tonight)

He has seen all of his grandkids, and his daughter... So if it *is* time, everyone has said goodbye.

I don't pray that he lives till 100, but I would like for his suffering to end. One way or another.

Mowing Woman!!

I beat DH's mowing time by 3 minutes! WoOt!

We are on a 1/4th of an acre, and we have a massive footpath. Normally it takes DH 1:20 to mow the lot. It took me 1:17!

I beat him, I beat him, I beat him!!

Small update

95 yo FIL went into hospital Sunday night (I got home at 3.45 am after arriving at A&E at 6pm)

It looks a lot like he will be placed into care. I don't know for sure, but the social worker I was talking to was strongly hinting at that. I have to go and see her today sometime.

Thankfully I have been able to take care of everything, and DH has been able to keep working, and DS is on school break, so everything is rolling along nicely, but I am still sick as a dog, and bloody well exhausted!

Feeling slightly better

Not quite so... Dead.


With a little over a month to go to the Mothers Day Classic, I have to get my shit together and help DH train. He hasn't been well either, but if he has any hope of running a 25 minute 4k (his goal) he needs to keep training.

Still sick

I have a wonderful sinus infection, and am on antibiotics to help clear it up. I didn't get to the Dr in time, and my temp went up to 40.2*c and I went into convulsions. Thankfully it only happened once, and we were able to get my temp down quickly, but boy do I feel weak and tired now!

Just woke up

For flu drugs, tea and toast.

I *did* get out shopping on Monday afternoon before I dropped dead with the flu, and brought the prettiest shoes (sling back, peep toe in black satin with a 2 inch heel) I will do a "dress rehearsal" for you all when my eyes and nose aren't bright red from sneezing and watering.

Mac's back

But now I have DS's flu, and I am sick as a dog, and can't enjoy it.

Shoes

Ok, so I am searching online for some shoes before I hit the stores.

Normally I love shoes in all shapes and forms. It's almost like porn for me. Shoe porn.

But this seasons shoes... I can't even begin to describe how unattractive this season is. All I want is a simple mid height dress shoe.

Hopefully there is still some summer stock left when I go shopping IRL. Fingers crossed.

The fox and the grapes

Æsop. (Sixth century B.C.) Fables.
The Harvard Classics. 1909–14.

The Fox and the Grapes


ONE hot summer’s day a Fox was strolling through an orchard till he came to a bunch of Grapes just ripening on a vine which had been trained over a lofty branch. “Just the things to quench my thirst,” quoth he. Drawing back a few paces, he took a run and a jump, and just missed the bunch. Turning round again with a One, Two, Three, he jumped up, but with no greater success. Again and again he tried after the tempting morsel, but at last had to give it up, and walked away with his nose in the air, saying: “I am sure they are sour.”
“IT IS EASY TO DESPISE WHAT YOU CANNOT GET.”

It looks like

We are going to see Phantom!

I told DH to go ahead and book The One Man Star Wars Trilogy and he said he wanted to go to see The Phantom of the Opera!

Apparently he is wanting to repay me in some small way for looking after his parents (not that he needs to, but I have to admit, it is a wee bit exhausting at times).

What a sweetheart.

I am going to have to buy a new dress, unless I just wear this one and buy new shoes and maybe an aqua or black wrap. Thoughts?

Still more randomness

For a start, as I type this, Lucky the cat is staring me out.

I don't know what she wants. She has had 'noms', has had a belly rub, and just woke up. She is a freak. I love that cat.

Moving on.

I just got home from MIL's after doing her shopping and getting FIL showered and back into bed. DS is running a temp is all achy and sneeze-y, so I have him drugged up on cold medicine, and he is happily playing his new PS2 game. We are heading out in about an hour to take MIL and Aunt D out for dinner at the local Asian place. Personally, I would have preferred to just get take out, and to get my kid home early for a change, but C'est la vie.

I have decided not to go back to work till FIL has passed away. Now that they are living closer to us, they seem to need more of my attention and time than before. Perhaps thats because FIL's health (mental and physical) took a nose dive when they moved... But anyway, as it stands right now, I have had to turn work away because I just don't have the time or energy to run my business and care for MIL & FIL. It's not earth shattering, I kinda knew I would get to the point where I was their carer, but I didn't expect it so soon.


My Mac still isn't back. I haven't got the call to pick it up either. I hope it comes home soon. I miss it so.

Random crap

MIL went for a rubbibng (massage) today at my urging. At the ripe old age of 70 something she had never been rubbed before.

I think she is in love. Because before she left she booked a months worth of weekly rubbing visits! She insisted that I come with her next time for an hour long rub (I usually only get the 30 minute quickie) And a hot stone rub.

I think I have created a monster.

While we were out, I managed to buy a purple sweater for SIL's birthday next week (so she is done) and I got Dexter Darkly Dreaming ordered finally.

When almost 11 year old DS overheard that I managed to order a copy finally, his eyes lit up, and he BEGGED me to let him read first! (yes, we do let him watch Dexter, no we are not bad parents, we do watch with him, and no, I will be reading Dexter first to make sure it it suitable for him to read)

DH's Auntie is coming home from Melbourne via MIL's house tomorrow, and being that it is her birthday, we are going to have to do something.. So it is down to me to get cards, cake and presents in the morning. No wonder I don't have time to read all the threads at LBT!!
Dammit! I need a break! And a rub. Mmmmmm A rub ((drools))

Kid free?

It is likely that during the April school holidays, DH and I will be kid free.

As some of you might know, during the holidays, SIL and I do what we now call a "Kid swap" I get 3 of hers for a few days, and she gets my one for a few days. I works well for both of us.

So, the school holidays are coming up, and DH and I are really looking forward to some time alone as a couple.

I am thinking of dinner at The Summit, followed by either The Phantom of the Opera, or The One Man Star Wars Trilogy.

I am tempted to make an executive decision and say Phantom. But... DH is going to have to sit through The Barber of Seville, Turandot and Swan Lake. So I think I will have to be be kind to the poor sod and go with Star Wars (I can still dress up for that, right?)

On a brighter note....

DH is doing amazing things with his running! Today he ran a fairly hilly 5km in 33.24 minutes!!

After he caught his breath, he asked what the distances of Park2Park in July are.

I told him 5km, 10km and a half marathon (21.2km).

He went quiet for a momet, cocked his head to the side and said "Do you think by July I will be up to running the 10km?"

So, it looks like DH and I will be running the 10k event of the Park2Park!

I got this comment the other day in reply to the ROFLMAO post;

The "perfect BMI weight" for me is around 130. I haven't weighed that since I was in elementary school. The statistical weight loss puts me at 192. To be honest, 130 seems like a fantasy right now.......I have dreamed of it and failed at it so many times.. let me get to 192 and then RESET my goal?

Yes, I will exercise. Yes, I will use all my resources to follow my surgeon's directions 100%. I will not be the woman on LBT who eats ice cream and wonders why she's not losing weight.

But Chickie, as amazing a goddess as I think you are, remember that we all have to walk our own path.

I have never, ever said anyone should be a particular weight. I HATE that people get that from me. I don't know what I am saying besides 'You can get to a healhty BMI if you want to" to make people believe that I am thinking/saying this.

I fucking KNOW we all have our own path to walk. Hell. My husband is overweight. If I don't pick on him, and condemn him for being over weight why the fuck would bother with anyone else?

I honestly don't CARE what size or shape you (general you,not anyone in particular) want to be. All I say (and I am beginning to sound like Rainman) is that if you WANT to be at a healthy BMI you CAN. Not that you have to. Not that you are required to. Not that I will think less of you if you don't(and lets be honest, why would you care if I did anyway?)

But I am getting sick and tired of people thinking they know what I think.

If you want to know what I think, here it is.

If you want to be fat. Fantastic!
If you want to be thin. Fantastic!
If you want to be somewhere in between. Fantastic!

Because at the end of the day, when I put my head on my pillow, all I care about is the fact that my husband is beside me, and sleeping soundly in the next room is my son.

I really don't care about the aims and goals of random strangers I come across on the interwebs. Honest, I don't.

So next time the Grace's and Shortgals of this world decide to read my blog, or look at my pictures, and decide that I would think they are fat, they can guess again. Because I don't. Until someone opens their gobs, and spews forth bullshit and ugliness, I don't think anything negative of them.

Since I can't get a fair trial at LBT

I never said that Grace should weigh xxlbs. I never said that she should have xx BMI. I never said she was fat.

I did say that she should examine why she feels women within a healthy BMI look unattractive.

To this, I was called boney, unattractive and too thin.

So, it appears that yet again, it is fine and dandy to put those who are at a healthy BMI down, but don't you DARE call Grace or Shortgal fat! Ohhh!!! Nooo. And even if you don't, they will say you are THINKING it, and that is just as bad. Then you can be burned at the LBT stake. You are fair game. They can call you what they like and their Dr Phil degrees in psychology allow them to dx you with a addiction transfer (apparently because I exercise for the recommended 30 minutes to an hour a day I am addicted to exercise)

Good times.

ROFLMAO

All in all, it looks like the average weight loss is about 50 to 60% of excess weight.

So don't bother trying any harder. Mmmmkay?

Ok. Obviously I need to clarify this post.

The people who posted this were saying that a 'healthy BMI' is unattainable anyway, so the 50-60% all they are shooting for. That along with the fact that what's considered a healthy weight is too skinny for them and their 400lbs of muscle.

It wasn't an attempt to put anyone down, it was more me being totally frustrated with the way people underestimate themselves and their ability.

Not every person is the same, nor are their goals. I have never said that anyone should be a certain weight,or BMI, but I HAVE said that a healthy BMI is attainable, and it is considered a healthy BMI for a reason. And there is a BMI "range" for a reason. To accommodate the differing body types.

1 thing I do hate

Something I do hate, with a passion is when I post about goal weight being attainable, and I get told that I only got to goal because I am young.

I have had 2 close to term pregnancies (one being a multiple pregnancy), have PCOS, had type II diabetes, and was overweight for the majority of my adult life, and I had 190lbs to lose. But I had it easier than most, because I am young.

I am more than amused by this reasoning.

Well FUCKER!

The HD on my Mac just failed.

I didn't back up that wedding I shot.

Wahhhh!

Posted from my son's computer in his smelly room.

Edit;

Ok, so it's covered under warranty, but data recovery is not. But data recovery IS covered if the people I am taking the computer to can bill it to Apple creatively enough. If they charge anything, it will be $99

YAY!

Another day another victory

For DH and his running!

(Yes, I am re living my early running days through DH... Sad, isn't it?)

DH ran 4.35km without stopping, in 27.22 today wOoT for DH! He is going to be a fantastic runner.

Ahhhh

"I don't need to get down to a normal BMI because I would look skinny / unhealthy / like a dinosaur (?WTF?) / anorexic"

Can I just roll my eyes and have a little internal laugh?

The things you think about when you vote

I got handed a bit of paper for each and every candidate on my way into vote this morning... About 30 pieces of paper in total (not counting the two ballot papers).

Some of these people who are standing for local government are very, very big on climate change and everything that goes with it.

So where does the glossy bit of paper fit into all of this? A bit of paper that I am just going to have to either throw away or recycle?

How does it help climate change to chop down trees in order to get votes?

I just find it a horrid waste.

Thank you all!

I have had my blog open to the public again for less than 5 hours, and the response I have had has been incredible!

I guess it is comforting to know that the light at the end of the tunnel isn't an oncoming train!

You are all amazing, beautiful individuals who are capable of everything you desire. Don't forget to have faith in yourself! Everyone in the world can have faith in you... But if YOU don't have faith in YOU, you won't get anywhere.

Have faith. And thank you all.

Odds and ends

DH and I went for a decent run this morning despite the humidity. DH managed 3.5k in 22 minutes, so he is really improving! He just has to break that magic 4k mark and he will be set for the MDC.

Today is the first day I did very little in about 2 weeks. I took DH to work, the went shopping (I only brought a sweater, nothing too exciting) but my heart just wasn't i it. I am just too tired.

Hopefully I will get some rest soon. I just need a week where I do nothing. I might even take a break from running for the week. I am just exhausted.

On a brighter not, DS had a lesson with SIL and it went really well. She is pleased with his progress. SIL and I talked about our plans for Easter (time with MIL & FIL then off to lunch with our DH's and all 8 kids) and I asked her if I could "Kidnap" one or two of her older boys for Mothers Day (we need someone to look after DS while we run) So we are going to have DN's age 15 and 13 to hang with DS while we run. They are thrilled that they are going to be hanging in the City then going to breakfast at a fancy cafe.

Apart from that not much else is going on really!

Duuudddeee....

I just ate WAY too many M&M's.

It's a dammed good thing I went for a run this morning.



(5.5km in 27:21)

MDC

Registrations for the Mother Day Classic opened on Monday.

DH and I are entered in the 4km event. Today, my darling husband worked hiss ass off, and ran 3.5km of the steepest, hilliest road I have ever taken him on.

He is a freaking CHAMP! He took it all with a smile. And a sweaty kiss!!

Not bad for a man who only started taking running seriously about a month ago.

Oh! And before I forget!

Visit the new Coffee Talk Ladies!

Everyone is welcome! Come on over!

What a week!

It's been so busy this last couple of weeks. Last week was like I was on auto pilot all week. We moved MIL & FIL on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. DH was only home to help on Thursday, so it was down to me to help pack and sort crap.

Sometimes I hate being the "Good DIL". I really do. It would be so much easier to say fuck it, like everyone else does. But I know I couldn't live with myself if I did. Sigh.

So I am exhausted. MIL needs to go to the pharmacy today, and rather than going to the pharmacy 2 minutes away, she wants to go to her old pharmacy that is 45 minutes away. Guess who gets to take her?

So I am trying to avoid it if I can. But I don't think I will get away with it. I already talked with DH about it, and he said that it will take time for MIL to adjust to being out here. True. But in the mean time *I* am the one running her around, doing 1.5 hour round trips to the fucking pharmacy!

I know I could refuse to take her, but his family are guilt trippers of the highest order. Even though they don't do anything themselves, the act like by not running a 1.5 hour trip to the pharmacy, I am not pulling my weight.

Actually I feel pretty dammed sick at the thought of going that far to a fucking PHARMACY. Passing roughly 20 pharmacy's o the way.

I haven't had a day to myself in 2 weeks. Every day I have done something with MIL. I feel guilty that I don't want to do this. I do. But I am fast getting to breaking point.

I have a set of wedding photos that need attention (wedding was shot 2/2, today is 5 March), I have a house to maintain, a family of my own to look after, and MIL is demanding I run her to a pharmacy 45 minutes away.

I think I need to cry.

I don't care. I just don't.

I NEED to go for a run.

NEED to.

I know I have been sick, but golly gee. I am fucking tired of this "sick" bullshit.

I know that I should be resting. And I will. After I go for a run.


Jodi - I have no idea why there is a warning on my blog.

Perhaps it is because of my love of the F word?

Tracy, and Anonymous;
Thanks for the kind words. I guess I was feeling fed up that day. Hell. I feel fed up a lot of the time. What can I say?

Ok.... Ok.... So it's been a while....

I have been really busy getting the kid back to school, working (am I really still a SAHM these days?) and just busy with life in general.

While the boy child was at SIL's, she tried him out on every musical instrument they had in the house (SIL is a music teacher and her 4 eldest children play the sax, clarinet, trumpet, violin, piano and a couple of other instruments - a very noisy house!)

So DS tried every single instrument on offer, and he was best on the alto sax.

So, we went out and brought him an alto sax. SIL encouraged us to try to get him into the instrumental music program at school. So the first day of school, we had a chat to his new teacher (Mr M. his first male teacher, so far I like him, as does DS) who had a chat with the music teacher, who had a chat with DS, and it was all sorted! Actually, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be.

SIL will give him lessons when she comes down, or when we send him up, but the school's music program will be his main music lessons.

shot a wedding this weekend. It was a little bit like being in hell, and I got blamed for the late running (the bride was an hour and 15 minutes late to start with) then no time was allowed to go to the location to shoot the formals. So when the reception started 2 hours late, it was the easiest tging in the world to blame the photographer for the lateness.

But the results made it all worth it. I had a quick look when I got home, and they look great. I am pretty happy with them overall. I do need to buy a Mac copy of photoshop so I can watermark them before putting them up as online proofs, but I don't know that they will need too much fixing.

Ah. This week I have NOTHING planned. Nothing.


Bliss.

Pen! I forgot to add, DH called the kid as soon as I went into surgery. The kids sent me down cards, flowers and presents. I felt so loved!

Oh! Boy! What a week!?!

Before & after pics

Ignore the date... This was posted on 17th of August 2008.

Before;



A couple of days post op;


Pre tummy tuck in 2006;


And now

Welcome to Mac Country

It is indeed like being plonked in a country, and you don't speak the language. I am feeling my way around, and am enjoying being windoze free. OS X is really, really nice though.


DEATH TO VISTA

It looks like I might lose a bet

I bet DH a blow job that the MacBook would get here on the 3rd.

It got into Brisbane tonight. He reckons, mostly because he spent his late teens early 20's driving for delivery and courier companies, and does have some experence with this shit, that if it's in tonight, I will have it by close of business tomorrow (the 2nd).

I on the other hand have only ever been a customer, and as such, have been fucked around to no end by asshole drivers....I said it will be close of business on the 3rd



I think I lose. But, even if I lose, I still win! Time will tell I guess.

As promised, photos!

Not that 99.95% of the people give a crap about what I look like clothed (most of the hits this blog get are the nekkid pics! LMAO)

But for Jodi, Pen, C. and the other who don't just want me for my body (ROFLMAO) some photos...

The boys (only the one in the fedora is mine... The other 7 belong to my SIL)



The three Amigos



The kid opening a couple of gifts (at 2am)





DH and I ready to fall asleep